05 August 2006

Mr. Ashford

Dear Mr. Traditional,

First, let me take this opportunity to thank you for taking the time to meet with me today. I understand that you have a busy schedule as the only wheel at your store, and I surely do appreciate our meeting.

I have long been curious about your simple lines, and classic styling. You are both modern and traditional--something that many try but few succeed. I respect that. At the risk of embarrassing us both, I must say how lovely you were to the touch. And no, my husband was not offended at our gentle embrace. Granted, you were a bit shorter than I thought you'd be--no, no! I found that charming. Really.

As much as I enjoyed meeting you, learning your personality, and understanding all your needs and wants, I am afraid it may not work out for us. I know you're the "All-time favo(u)rite" of so many women. I can't imagine that you shall be alone. You are loved by thousands, and I just wouldn't give you all you need. Its not you, dear, its me.

All my respect,


At 11:56 PM, Anonymous Ashford Traditional said...

Dear Mrs. Cygknit,
I am deeply wounded and shocked at your rejection. Upon the completion of this letter, I will hurl myself off the dam in your backyard, so that you may find my shattered body and know fully the extent of torment you have visited upon me. I have never been so insulted and heartbroken in my long and enduring career.
I hope you find your true love soon, because only that will console you after you witness the tragic end that could have been our love.
What was it that drove you away? Was it that you are more interested in finer yarns, because we might certainly acquire a lace flyer kit to accomodate your needs. Was it that I am too much of a playboy for you? I cannot help my worldwide popularity, and hoped in vain that it would secure my place in your heart to know that so many have loved me as truly as you would have. Alas, my dear, I am grasping at your heart like so many straws slipping from my bobbins. It shames me to behave in such a desperate manner.
Ours would have been a love that spun through the ages. I retreat now to my own tragic end.
With deepest sorrows,
Ashford Traditional

At 7:38 AM, Anonymous Kelly said...

I never new the ashford traditonal was so dramatic lol!

At 12:53 PM, Blogger KnitterBunny said...

Perhaps you should meet his cousin, Ms. Traveller?


At 12:41 PM, Blogger NeedleTart said...

It was simply not meant to be. There are more sheep in the field. Keep looking for your own true love.


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